Looking back on my ministry as a pastor, I’ve faced a series of temptations. They’ve varied depending on circumstances, but each one has presented a hazard to my ministry and to my soul.
Ambition
In my first charge, I faced the temptation of ambition. I was willing to go to a small place as long as it grew. When it didn’t grow as much as I’d like, I began looking for a bigger place where I could better use my gifts.
Ambition robbed me of enjoying the gifts God had given me within that church. It also short-circuited lessons I could have learned better had I stayed there longer. It revealed the sin of pride in my heart, a sin that God opposes (James 4:6).
I wish I had read and understood Francis Schaeffer’s words back then. “We all tend to emphasize big works and big places, but all such emphasis is of the flesh … We should seek the lowest place because there it is easier to be quiet before the face of the Lord.” There are no little places, he wrote, and no little people.
Anger and Impatience
In my second charge, I gained a bigger ministry, and with it, bigger problems. I also faced more criticism, and my leadership was questioned more than in my first charge. I soon found myself frustrated with many in the congregation. After a few years, that frustration eventually boiled over in anger and impatience with the people God had entrusted to my care.
It’s hard to be a good pastor when you’re angry. It’s hard to love the sheep well when you’re impatient with them. I no longer struggled with ambition, but I struggled with an equally deadly sin: I gradually grew in anger against the very people God had given me to serve.
Insecurity
In my third charge, I planted a church. I wanted to prove myself. Proving myself meant one thing: numbers. I still remember the early years when I would stand by the door looking down the street to see people walking to our church. When people came, I felt good about myself. When people didn’t come, I felt awful. My mood — perhaps even my identity — was rooted in something I couldn’t fully control.
I don’t want to paint things worse than they really were. I wasn’t in a constant state of sin. But looking back, I can see my first charge was sometimes marred by ambition, by second by anger and impatience, and my third by insecurity. Now that I’m in my fourth charge, I’m sure I’ll struggle with even more temptations and sins.
Talking to other pastors, I’ve discovered that I’m not alone with these temptations and sins. I’m grateful for God’s grace, grace that I’ve needed as I’ve fallen short of the pastor I should have been. But I’m also aware of the need to stay vigilant against the temptations and sins that threaten to destroy me and my ministry.
Never think better of yourself than the church you’re called to serve. Fight anger and impatience with the people you’re called to serve. And get your identity not from numbers but from who you are in Jesus.
I’m learning these lessons as I continue to battle these and other temptations in my ministry.