The words of Job, “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord,” surely apply to more than an unexpected death of the ones that we love. What if the application is wider? What if it relates to the death of a dream – a life longed for and dreamt about, yet continues to go unfulfilled? What if it pertains to good dreams and not just dreams for fame and fortune – like dreams for a spouse or children?
As so many of us know, many dreams and longings go unfulfilled. Our lives do not look the way we imagined years before. When these dreams and desires are deferred, or never given, how do we respond? Do we respond like Job, “blessed be the name of the Lord,” or do we withhold our praise and gratitude begrudging God for an unexpected life?
My husband and I have been married for five years. We were in our early thirties when we got married, and almost as soon as the rings were on our fingers, it was expected that we would begin having children. “Miranda, holding a baby looks good on you!” “When are you going to have one of your own?” “Are you and Evan trying?”
As the years go by, the questions continue – questions from others and questions from my own heart.
A Gift Withheld
Is God withholding a good gift from us? Why don’t we have children? Answers have often been insufficient or lacking. It isn’t easy to console the longing heart with words and wishful thoughts. However, the Scripture is more than wishful thinking, or a platitude spoken when life is complex. The Word of God is transformative (2 Timothy 3:10-17). These words from the psalmist remind and point me to an ever-faithful and an ever-wise God who knows when to give and when to withhold.
“For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly,” Psalm 84:11 (emphasis added).
No good thing is withheld. He is not unkind nor unfair to withhold children.
Through infertility, I have learned that God continues to be the giver of all good gifts. He gives to some spouses. He gives to others singleness. He gives to others a spouse and children. He gives to others childlessness. All are good gifts undeserved and unmerited. Both, marriage and children, are gifts freely given from an all-knowing and loving God. Withholding children can also be a good gift in my life.
Each gift is entrusted to us. Like we see in the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25:14 – 30, each servant was entrusted with varying talents to which they were responsible. One servant was not responsible for another servant’s talents. Similarly, God will hold each of us accountable for the “talents” or gifts that He has given to us.
“To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one,” Matthew 25:15.
Two of the servants received what was given and used the talents wisely. One did not.
What kind of servant will I be? Will I bury my gifts and resources in the ground longing for what God gave another? Or, will I receive what has been given to me and multiple it, to the best of my ability and the grace God supplies?
Childlessness can be a good gift in my life. Taught by the Spirit, I am humbled. I learn I am not in control. I cannot control my womb. God alone opens and closes a womb (Psalm 139). Further, God uses infertility to teach me that my worth and identity are not found in being a wife or a mother. My identity is rooted in what Christ has done for me (Ephesians 2:8-9). Ultimately, Jesus is better than being a mother. Jesus is all satisfying and is sufficient to meet all my desires. He does not disappoint, and He gives good gifts to his children.
Reflecting Thoughts
Motherhood is a high and noble calling. It is something to be praised, yet I must thank God for the life that He has given me. And today, I am childless. Like Job, I choose to say, “blessed be the name of the Lord” for God continues to give me good gifts, even if the gifts are not the ones that I dreamt about.
