You currently struggle with porn. Maybe you watch it once or twice a week, perhaps a handful of times a year. The fact remains, pornography is part of your life.
You also desire to be married, and you find yourself thinking that if you just had the proper outlet for these sexual temptations, you wouldn’t even think of watching porn.
It makes sense, doesn’t it? If you are married, why watch porn?
Brother or sister, this line of thinking is rooted in lies. Your porn use won’t end when you get married. Here are three reasons why.
Sex in Marriage and sex in porn are Fundamentally Different
While it is easy to see that pornography and marriage are completely different, we can believe the subtle lie that the experience of sex is the same either way. We can think that sex is merely a physical act, and it’s only the context of pornography that makes it sinful.
But if you understand God’s beautiful, multidimensional purposes for sexuality, you will realize that the sexual experience with pornography so distorts God’s design that it has fundamentally no resemblance to marriage at all.
Sex is for creating life. Shortly after God made Adam and Eve, he blessed them and commanded them to bring children into his new creation. In the context of marriage, sex has the potential to transform a husband and wife into a mother and a father.
Sex is for unity. Genesis 2 tells us that men and women are to leave their parents and become one flesh. Theologians point out that a marriage technically begins the first time a new couple has sex.[1] God created a unique unity in marriage that is found nowhere else in all creation.
Sex is for love. Adam bursts into song at the first sight of Eve. Finally, here was a companion, a helper, a wife! In marriage, sex is one of the most intimate and joyful ways a husband and wife serve, love, and experience pleasure with each other.
In contrast, pornography perverts God’s design for sexuality. Everything about porn is self-oriented. The porn performer suits your preference. You use porn on your time. Porn is devoid of love, drained of commitment, and completely separate from the vibrant potential for children.
Scene by scene, picture by picture, porn militates against everything good and beautiful in marriage.
Why do all these purposes for sex matter? Because when watching porn, you train your body and soul against God’s design. Your new sexual normal becomes a stream of X-rated videos. If you use marriage as a solution to your porn problem, you will be horrified to find yourself still craving the hollow thrill of pornography.
The Bible Never Offers Marriage as the Answer to porn
Here are several examples from Scripture that give us a framework for battling pornography.
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells his listeners, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away.”[1] Our Lord gives a clear and decisive answer to sexual sin: take radical action and cut temptation out of your life.
In his first letter to the Thessalonians, Paul tells the church that they should “control their own body in holiness and honor.”[2] To the Galatians, he says, “walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”[3] His encouragement to the church in Rome is to “put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.”[4]
This is the blueprint the Bible gives us. We must experience unity with Christ, pray for the fruits of the Spirit, and practice self-control to combat pornography.
Marriage is simply not the answer to sin.
When Paul Talks About “Burning with Passion,” he does not mean Pornography
In 1 Corinthians 7:9, Paul says, “if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” A close look at the context shows that Paul is far from recommending marriage as the solution to pornography.
In this whole chapter, Paul moves back and forth between advocating a content, single life in service to God or entering into a faithful marriage. He argues for the Gospel benefits of remaining single (as Paul himself was) but acknowledges the real desires and temptations of a celibate life. For those who do not want to face that temptation for a lifetime, Paul gives the green light to get married.
Active porn use is radically different from a healthy desire for marriage. When you watch porn, you are not merely experiencing temptations to sexual sin; you are choosing a form of adultery[5] again and again.
Watching pornography is much more like the sin Paul addresses in the previous chapter when the Corinthians were visiting cult prostitutes. Can you imagine Paul telling them they were in a healthy place to get into a God-glorifying marriage? His advice for the saints of his day rings true for us: flee sexual immorality.[6]
You can be free
Don’t buy the lie that marriage will save you from porn. Believing this is ultimately putting your faith in something other than the person and work of Jesus Christ.
Freedom starts with true repentance to God. Freedom starts with confessing your sin to a trusted brother or sister. Freedom starts with learning more about God’s design for marriage, understanding your heart motivations for seeking porn, and cutting off access to anything that brings temptation.
One of the best investments you can make into a beautiful, intimate, loving marriage is to deal with your pornography problem now.
By the grace of God, you can.
[1] Matthew 5:28-29
[2] 1 Thessalonians 4:4
[3] Galatians 5:16
[4] Romans 13:14
[5]See Matthew 5:28 again
[6] 1 Corinthians 6:18
