My Dad is in ICU, my Mum is stranded in Washington DC, my wife and daughter are isolated with COVID, and I am hanging out in my basement doing my best to avoid the seemingly inevitable viral invasion.
Ever since I was born pre-mature, I have battled sickness. I am often the weak one, the patient, the cause of my family’s worry and concern. Over the years, I have learned that I am neither a good patient nor a helpful caregiver. My coping mechanism is to just ignore the problem and soldier on. The stiff upper lip and all that. That has, regrettably, been part of my culture and upbringing. But years of pastoral ministry, and also years of my own fight against sickness, has taught me a few meaningful truths:
When You Are Sick
Ask People to Pray: Don’t suffer in silence. James 5:14–16 tells us to alert the church. Why? God, in his kindness, has placed people in our lives who can pray for us, care for us, and help meet our needs. So share with your church how they can pray for you. Don’t just share a diagnosis, but let them know how you feel. If you are scared, if you are anxious, if you are tired, let’s pray about those things.
Don’t wait for others to reach out to you. You must reach out to them: When Lazarus was sick and about to die, Mary and Martha sent out the call to Jesus (John 11:3). Just because you are stuck at home unwell doesn’t mean that the rest of the world has stopped too. Life goes on. So, that means we need to reach out and ask for help if we need it. People are willing and more than happy to lend a helping hand. They just need to be told how best they can help you. Only you know the answer to that.
Stop thinking you are a burden. Get that thought out of your mind right now. In Galatians 6:2, Paul commands Christians to carry each other’s burdens. So, you aren’t asking anyone to do what God hasn’t already commanded them to do. Need help feeding your pets? Getting the groceries? Mowing the lawn? Picking up the kids? Guess what, those burdens are meant to be shared. When you are sick, it is time to get into the biblical business of burden-sharing.
When You Know Others Who Are Sick
Offer to pray, and actually do it . . . with them! It’s easy to say “I will pray for you” or post on someone’s Facebook page “praying”. But, do you know what is even more helpful? To actually go and pray with someone. Give them a call and pray over the phone, send them a text and write out the prayer, send a note in the mail with a prayer written out, pray a specific Scripture over someone, or (if you can) go and visit and offer to pray with them. That is perhaps one of the most powerful things we can do for one another, especially when one is sick. Prayer reminds us that God is sovereign, powerful, and good. He is just as much those things in the midst of our sickness as at any other time.
Don’t be their doctor, but be their friend. We don’t need to offer medical advice (unless of course you are a medical professional). This is one of the things that bothers me the most when I am sick. Help me understand what the doctor is saying, sure, but don’t act like you know better than the doctor.
When I am sick, I don’t need more doctors. But I do need caring friends. Friends who will listen more and speak less. Friends who will show empathy rather than medical brilliance. Friends who will be there for me to make me laugh and make me smile. Don’t dismiss the pain of the sick—“Oh, it will be ok in the end”. Don’t be condescending—“Perhaps this is God telling you to rest”. Don’t be dismissive—“Oh, I know how you feel, my back really hurts too”. Just be a friend. It’s really quite simple.
Do something constructive. Instead of asking “How can I help?” or saying, “Let me know if you need anything.” Instead, just do something! No one will resent you for dropping off a meal, picking up some groceries, sending a card, mowing the lawn, walking the dogs, or watching the kids. The Good Samaritan didn’t just ask how he could help the man who was dying on the side of the road, he took the initiative: “When he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.” (Luke 10:33–34) Let’s be more like that guy!
Extended time in self-isolation has given me some time of self-reflection. Most of all, it has made me incredibly grateful for my church and also my friends, who go out of their way to pray for me, care for me, and be so incredibly helpful to me. I want to be more like them! When I think about my own experience and my own failures in this area, I truly do want to strive to be a better patient and a better friend in the future. Will you do so too?
