Recently my wife and three sons walked through the Whole Foods in the tiny Yorkville neighbourhood of Toronto. My wife sorted out the various food choices for the children, while they oscillated between cowboy gunfights and slapstick comedy. They were reasonably well behaved for bustling boys. But what I discovered repeatedly was that they were unwanted.
On more than one occasion, a childless adult would stop suddenly as if on the edge of a cliff and stare down at the child below. Standing there hovering, no words were spoken. They just glared at the child from their icy posture. It was if they were both afraid of contamination and utterly imposed upon by the existence of a youngling.
I watched this phenomenon as other non-child adults did the same cliff edged silent frustration dance toward the few child-plus parents at the store. There could have been a sign up saying, “Please leave children outside for the convenience of other shoppers.”
Seeing this reminded me of the state of things in Canada. Kids and seniors are not as welcome as they used to be. The expense and hassle of childrearing or elder care is making some people make radical choices. Just look at legalized abortion or legislated euthanasia. The choice of convenience or inconvenience is a big part of the thinking when legalized murder is on the table.
In a recent Guardian article, the author linked the existence of children to harmful climate change. So the argument goes, if you have a big family, you’re wrecking the planet. On another website, parents with children are referred to as “breeders.” The idea is that families with more than a couple of kids are adding to overpopulation, and being presumptuous about reproducing their own genetics. They’re akin to cattle or rabbits.
Now at a basic level, using the climate change argument to denigrate having children contradicts Genesis 1:28, which says “Be fruitful and multiply.” Human flourishing is a command, not a suggestion.
Of course there are many singles and childless couples who don’t have children of their own, not by choice but by circumstance. For these, the example of Jesus as a childless adult is particularly relevant. Jesus wasn’t inconvenienced by other people’s children. When Jesus was indignant, it was in the other direction. As a childless adult, he was “indignant” at the refusal of the disciples to let children get close to him. He said, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God” (Mark 10:14).
Christians can view children as inconvenient too. Our church services can be so produced and scripted that a baby’s crying cripples everybody’s attention span. Or congregants can grow bitter because so many resources are being giving to children’s ministry in the church.
So how can we encourage human flourishing and an esteem for children? Here are 5 suggestions:
- Welcome inconveniences in our church services. When a baby cries or a kid is fidgety, a warm smile goes a lot further than a concerned glance. While we may or may not wish to encourage having kids in the service, we need to recognize that visitors usually like having their kids close by. If those kids are unfamiliar with sitting for long periods of time, they could get antsy. Welcoming antsy kids in the service (not to mention antsy adults) is part of the hospitality which churches should strive for.
- Welcome childless adults to participate in the life of families. This is the benefit of small groups that aren’t based on ‘affinity.’ If you have only a young couples small group, the relationships might seem easy because of similar stages of life, but they aren’t really supernatural. But when singles hang out with young families, everyone is able to serve and esteem each other as mutually necessary parts of the body of Christ (a great book on this is Compelling Community by Jamie Dunlop and Mark Dever).
- Protect children through proper security policies in the church. Child protection is the sad necessity of our day. If you don’t have child protection policies in place, you may be naive or inattentive. We don’t wish to create a culture of suspicion in the church either. If church members know that they need to get a background check in order to work at the nursery, they can inconvenience themselves for sake of the children in their care and for the sake of some collective peace of mind (a good article on this comes from Deepak Reju on child protection policies).
- Be Pro-Life and Pro-Adoption. In Canada, with no restrictions on abortion, being pro-life is utterly radical compared to the mainstream. You can start by winsomely cherishing pregnant mothers and their babies, even if their pregnancy came from a wrong choice, or as a victim without a choice. It also means supporting couples who wish to adopt, praying for them and supporting them, even when times get difficult in the adoption process or years later.
- Care for the souls of children and not just their attention spans. If we see children created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), then we will recognize them as being more than just a collection of cells to be managed. Our parenting, training, and ministry to children will aim to address their souls with the gospel of Jesus Christ. Ultimately our hope is that biological children would be ‘born again,’ through faith in Jesus Christ alone.
So when we see a busy child in our way at the checkout line, let’s not scowl. Instead, let’s consciously thank God for the miracle of created life, and pray for that child to know the miracle of new life as a new creation in Christ.
