I’m in my early fifties and, for the first time in my life, I’m searching for a church home.
I grew up in a healthy Reformed country church. At twenty-two, as I was finishing my first degree, I began interning at an urban church and then pastored there for the next twenty-nine years. Our family could walk to church in under five minutes, and we loved the opportunity to incarnationally impact our neighbourhood.
A few months ago, we moved to a small town of 13,000, and now our family is looking for a home church. It’s a significant decision because we may be here for the next thirty years of our lives.
Because I am sometimes asked to preach on Sundays, we haven’t always been able to attend locally every week. But as we’ve narrowed our search, I’ve learned a few lessons.
Uncompromising Convictions
We have some uncompromising convictions when it comes to choosing a church. These include expositional preaching, a robust, historic, and biblical understanding and articulation of the gospel, a well-defined discipleship pathway, a passion for the lost, godly elders, and a meaningful commitment to church membership, including service and church discipline. We also value dependence on prayer and compassionate, generous care for the poor.
Evangelism is important to us. We’ve moved into a neighbourhood that is only four years old, which is quite a contrast to the 140-year-old home we lived in for over two decades. Our large block of neighbours gets together several times a year, including a summer block party and a Christmas open house hosted by a local doctor that drew 120 people. I recently gave away two copies of Tim Keller’s Making Sense of God. Our first prayer for this new home is that it would become a ministry centre. We want our church family to support this calling.
We have visited four local churches within a 5–20 minute drive, and all of them share these convictions to varying degrees. But there is another factor I’ve come to realize is pivotal and often overlooked.
God’s Unwavering Call
God has called me to be responsible for the spiritual vitality and health of my home. After dinner, I systematically read through books of the Bible with my family, moving between the Old and New Testaments and reading a variety of narrative, wisdom, and didactic literature. We also always pray for one another.
Yet at first, I neglected to consider the personalities of my family as we prayerfully searched for a church home.
We have four children, two in their twenties and twins who are sixteen. I can help guide our older children through this transition, but our twins will likely worship and serve with us for at least a couple more years.
As we visited churches, a few things became clear:
- I’m an extreme extrovert. My wife and children are not.
- I love crowds. They do not.
- I can have a dozen conversations on a Sunday. They prefer two or three.
- I appreciate a class setting. They benefit more from a small group.
- Our teens would rather connect with a couple of people than with a large group.
- I thrive in supporting elders and ministry leaders. They thrive when serving in nursery and children’s ministry. My wife also thrives in mentoring women.
None of this is sinful. I’m not sinning when I talk to a dozen people on Sunday, and my wife speaks to two. But how we account for personality and preference in a decision like this matters a great deal.
Every church we visited welcomed us warmly. All were gracious as we returned multiple times. These churches ranged from about 80 to 600 in Sunday attendance. The church I pastored grew to around 700 in weekend attendance, but my wife was saved there before I attended, and our children were all born while we served there. We didn’t enter that church as strangers in the same way.
This time is different. We are walking into established communities where, for the most part, we know no one.
Guiding Principles
So how do you decide between four church options when each church is aligned with your biblical convictions?
Three questions emerged for us:
- Where could God best use the gifts He has given each of us?
- Where could each member of our family connect and develop community?
- Where did each person believe they could best grow spiritually?
Those questions helped us look beyond abstract preferences and think concretely about our decision.
A Decision Made
And so, we have begun regularly attending the 80-person church in the town next to ours.
We hope to find places to serve, places to grow, and hospitably welcome brothers and sisters from the congregation into our home. It is an exciting moment for our family.
For me, this feels full circle. I was at the meeting that launched this church, and the church I pastored supported it in its early years. Now we are eager to see how God will use us to bless this congregation and how this church family will, in turn, bless us.
Perhaps your family has recently moved and is searching for a church home as well. Build your search around biblical, non-negotiable convictions. But fathers must also lead carefully by considering the personalities of each family member. Look for a church home where everyone in the household can belong, grow, serve, and thrive in their relationship with the Lord and His bride and watch the Lord bless.
