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I’d never heard the term “winsome” before I heard of Tim Keller, but when I heard it, I liked it. Winsome is an adjective that means that someone or something is “attractive or appealing in appearance or character.” In the context of Christian ministry, it seems to mean that we’re kind in our interactions with others. “We must take care that our polemics do not unnecessarily harden and antagonize our opponents,” Keller wrote in Center Church. “We should seek to win them, as Paul did Peter, not to be rid of them.”

We’ll still speak biblical truth in wise and gracious ways not because it works, but because God tells us to do so.

Keller’s winsomeness did not spare him from the disapproval of others. In 2017, Princeton Theological Seminary’s Kuyper Center invited Keller to speak at their annual conference and receive the Kuyper Prize. The seminary later rescinded the prize due to his affiliation with the Presbyterian Church of America and its views on gender and sexuality. Even when we avoid antagonizing those who disagree, they still may find our views intolerable.

Some argue that winsome isn’t desirable. “Dear Christian, stop being winsome,” argues one pastor:

I am not advocating a rough jerk-like Christianity that shows no compassion or refuses to be kind. The unchained polemics blogger can do more harm than good with his pen (or keyboard). What I am communicating in this article is that Christians aim higher than winsomeness. The fact is, we will not win the world through winsomeness.

Another writer argued that Keller’s approach worked in a neutral world, but no longer works given the level of hostility against Christianity today. “Tough choices are increasingly before us, offense is unavoidable, and sides will need to be taken on very important issues. Recent events have proven that being winsome in this moment will not guarantee a favorable hearing.”

Keller, though, pointed to John Calvin, who worked alongside William Farel, a man who was outspoken and hotheaded by temperament. Calvin wrote to Farel and encouraged him to do more to win people over. Reflecting on Calvin’s letter, Keller wrote:

It is possible to seek to be winsome and persuasive out of self-centeredness — a desire to be popular — rather than God-centeredness. It is just as possible to be bold and strongly polemical out of self-centeredness rather than God-centeredness.

We should avoid accommodating or offending others for selfish motives. Although we all have a natural tendency to either shy away from or involve ourselves in controversy, our actions should be influenced by a yearning for God’s glory rather than simply our own personal temperaments.

What should we make of this?

Christians had better get used to increasing hostility and apathy. Our views are increasingly out of step with society’s, and we’re now the bad guys. We shouldn’t bend the truth, and no matter how kindly we speak, we’re bound to be seen as out of step or worse. We should prepare ourselves and our churches. Short of changing our beliefs, we will be found intolerable by those who preach tolerance.

But we should still cling to a quality of behaviour not because it works, but because it’s biblical. “Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time,” Paul writes in Colossians 4:4-6. “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”

Winsomeness isn’t a biblical term, so we don’t need to defend it. But Paul’s instructions are biblical, and we need to think about what they mean. How do we walk in wisdom when facing hostility for rejecting our cultures views? How can we speak graciously? What does it mean to season our speech with salt?

We won’t do this because of the results. No matter how wisely and graciously we speak, we’ll still probably experience hostility. We’ll do this because it honours God, and that’s enough.

We’ll still speak biblical truth in wise and gracious ways not because it works, but because God tells us to do so.

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