True confession time: I am a half-hearted woman. I am the opposite of an “A-type” personality; I know how to relax—and I’m good at it. My husband likes to lovingly refer to me as a “leisure-ist”; I prefer to think of myself as someone who knows how to stop and smell the coffee, and then enjoy a cup or two. There is a sign in my kitchen that says “First I drink the coffee, then I do the things,” but sometimes I just drink the coffee.
Wholehearted and “All-In”
Being more relaxed in nature can have some advantages, but it also means I don’t often go hard after anything. As I have been reading through Scripture, the Lord has brought to my attention how often the idea of living wholeheartedly is mentioned. Spoiler alert—it’s a lot. “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might” (Deut. 6:5); “With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments” (Ps. 119:10); “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart” (Jer. 29:13). You get the point. Loving and following Jesus is not a “half-hearted” venture; it’s “all-in”.
I have always loved the story of Martha and Mary in Luke 10. I prefer to be sitting than to be busy in the kitchen, so it seemed natural that I would identify with Mary. The fact that Jesus seems to vindicate her “leisure-ist” nature was a definite win for me. But I have come to realize something: Not being a Martha does not automatically make me a Mary.
Distracted With Lesser Things
Martha was not chastised by Jesus for being busy; she was reminded not to be distracted with her busyness. There is something more important than doing things for Jesus—something that must come first. Martha was so concerned about what Mary wasn’t doing that she didn’t realize she herself was missing out on what was most important. Mary had discovered it. But Mary was not commended by Jesus for her “sitting” (or lack of busyness)—but for the fact that she was undistracted and “all in” in her wholehearted desire to be with Jesus.
Women weren’t even supposed to sit with the men and learn from rabbis in her culture, but she didn’t care, and her Lord invited her. So there she was, sitting with the other disciples, leaning in; she was fixing her eyes on Jesus. Mary’s relationship with Jesus was more important than Martha’s “to do” list, but it was also more important than any concern about what someone else would think of her. She was undeterred and single minded in her love for and desire to be with her Lord.
I wonder how many times in my “non-busy” sitting I have still failed to seek Jesus wholeheartedly; how often I have been distracted with other things, especially if something like scrolling through Instagram is an option.
Elisabeth Elliott wrote, “The problem that most of us have is not that we have too little time, but that we spend it poorly.” The writer of the book of Hebrews reminds us that in order to run the race Jesus has called us to, not only do we need to get rid of sin in our lives, but we also need to throw off or lay aside every weight or distraction that hinders us to keep our eyes on Jesus (Heb. 12:1).
Similarly, in Psalm 63:1 David says, “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”
Does that describe my time and relationship with the Lord? Do I long for Jesus? To be with him in prayer; to be hearing from him in his Word? To just fix my eyes on him in worship? Or do I get distracted with lesser things and not even realize what I’m missing.
Drinking What Satisfies
Sometimes, when I am thirsty, instead of water, I drink more coffee, thinking that will satisfy. It never does. And maybe, when my soul is longing for more of God, I feed it something else—like a good book I’ve been wanting to read, or the next episode of a show that I can’t miss, or just a few more minutes scrolling on my phone.
In his book, The Weight of Glory, C.S. Lewis describes us as “half-hearted creatures” who are like “an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday by the sea. We are,” he writes, “far too easily pleased.” I don’t want to just check my daily Bible reading off my list, or be content with less than God has for me. I want to be like Paul when he wrote “Indeed, I consider everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (Phil. 3:8).
In John 12, this same Mary brought an expensive bottle of perfume and poured it out on Jesus, wiping his feet with her hair. Her “sitting” with Jesus led to an extravagant act of love, worship, and service. Again she was criticized for her actions, and again Jesus defended her.
Mary’s act of wholehearted devotion to Jesus is such a beautiful picture of what it means to “offer ourselves as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God” (Rom. 12:1). God wants our lives poured out for him—but it starts with undivided, undistracted sitting.
I am so thankful that, like Mary, Jesus invites me to sit at his feet. My prayer is that, as I do, I will be thirsty for a deeper relationship with him, and this “half-hearted” woman will become more and more desperately and wholeheartedly in love with her Saviour, worshipping and serving him with all that I am and have.
What about you? Are you prone to be overly busy? Or, like me, are you more prone to sit? There is no right or wrong personality type. In the same John 12 passage that tells of Mary’s act of devotion, Martha also makes an appearance—and guess what? She is still serving. This time, however, there is no mention of her grumbling and no mention of Jesus correcting her. She is doing what God has gifted her and called her to do, only now she understands what is of most importance. Whatever ‘type’ you are, the call is the same: undistracted and all-in pursuit of our Lord.
